so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
