There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
