i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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