there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
