Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We left the knife in your bed.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
