You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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