There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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