So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ugly people sure do ruin things
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
