cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
