it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
not ubering you a puppy
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
