Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
