what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
