i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
