i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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