no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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