i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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