Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
