bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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