You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
