its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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