Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
