i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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