Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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