My hand turned me down
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
