Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if only i could text you this smell
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
