You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
