i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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