who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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