We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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