dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
