Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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