obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
