i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
