I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
