oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
