its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
