So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
