Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There are leaves in my underwear?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
