Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
