So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
