I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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