Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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