i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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