i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
