Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
