He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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