Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
