I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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