We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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