I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
