just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
