Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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