she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
