So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
