I love black thongs
I bet he comes in French.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
