Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
