Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
