Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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